welcome to my scroll:

a passage from Hildegard of Bingen, a 12th century mystic and writer:

"The figure spoke: I am the supreme fire and energy. I have kindled all the sparks of the living, and I have breathed out no mortal things, for I judge them as they are. I have properly ordained the cosmos, flying about the circling circle with my upper wings, that is, with wisdom. I am the fiery life of divine substance, I blaze above the beauty of the fields, I shine in the waters, I burn in sun, moon and stars. And I awaken all to life with every wind of the air, as with invisible life that sustains everything. For the air lives in greenness and fecundity. The waters flow as though they are alive. The sun also lives in its own light, and when the moon has waned it is rekindled by the light of the sun and thus lives again; and the stars shine out in their own light as though they are alive."

“Teach yourself by your own mistakes; people learn only by error. The good artist believes that
nobody is good enough to give him advice. He has supreme vanity. No matter how much he
admires the old writer, he wants to beat him.” - William Faulkner

how to let a book choose you: what i like to do when i am picking out a book is to go to a used bookstore or goodwill and just browse until a title or cover catches my eye. i feel like i am magnetically attracted to the book i need to read... i don't believe in coincidences; i believe that everything is preordained. books are magical because it's like downloading wisdom into your brain. sometimes the perfect book is just lying on the sidewalk, like an amazing book i read this year called Blood Memoir. i felt like it was about me. 

books I've read recently (7/29/17): Women who run with the wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Love poems from God by Daniel Ladinsky, The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz, Love your body by Louise Hay, Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain, Widow Basquiat by Jennifer Clement, Hunger by Roxane Gay, Grapefruit by Yoko Ono, The Brain that Changes Itself by Norman Doidge, Aspects of the Feminine by Carl Jung, Prophecy by Sylvia Browne, Oh, the Place You'll Go! by Dr. Suess, Catching the Big Fish by David Lynch and, of course, Sky Mall by boyinthewoods & generalheartbreak

link: balls against police 

The fish in the water that is thirsty needs serious professional counseling.                                                                                                                                                -Kabir (c.1440-1518)

link: Endless Smile

Q. When you say 'remember yourself', do you mean by that to remember after you have observed yourself, or do you mean to remember the things we know are in us? 

A. No, take it quite apart from observation. To remember oneself means the same thing as to be aware of oneself-- 'I am'. Sometimes it comes by itself; it is a very strange feeling. It is not a function, not thinking, not feeling; it is a different state of consciousness. By itself it only comes for very short moments, generally in quite new surroundings, and one says to oneself: 'How strange. I am here'. This is self-remembering; at this moment you remember yourself. 

link: what a bastard the world is 

In writing this memoir of my body, in telling you these truths about my body, I am sharing my truth and mine alone. I understand if that is not something you want to hear. The truth makes me uncomfortable too. But I am also saying, here is my heart, what's left of it. Here I am showing you the ferocity of my hunger. Here I am finally freeing myself to be vulnerable and terribly human. Here I am, reveling in that freedom. Here. See what I hunger for and what my truth has allowed me to create. -Roxane Gay, Hunger 

Tuesday links (6/27/17): 

"Poop Back and Forth, Forever"

"A beautiful way to give your girl a orgasem cool way" -youtube commentator

LET'S FOCUS ON COMMUNICATION: remember the whale 

TOUGH LOVE: Life is unfair. Kill yourself or get over it. 

Notes from my diary (6/12/17):

  • a shower is like a personal waterfall (thank you, modern plumbing)
  • it's as if every headline in NYTimes was a metaphor made for me (She's Deluded, Yet So Reasonable)
  • newspapers = glorified gossip columns 
  • at least I'm aware that I'm a lab rat
  • 9:44am - totally convinced of my own importance
  • original dance move: SLAP THE FLOOR (the earth is my witness)
  • live for today
  • i'd rather eat salad
  • don't underestimate what people see - they see hearts, it's clear to everybody                                                                                                            

Instructions (7/24/17):   

  • treat the computer like a storage unit
  • be fully committed to your work
  • keep searching
  • fill the hole in your heart with something other than drugs and/or compulsive eating
  • find God while slicing potatoes
  • start a gratitude journal (thank you, pores, for ventilating my skin)
  • when bored, solve mysteries to pass the time
  • i.e. are shrimp ocean waterbugs?
  • i.e. are beetles turtles with wings?                                                           

 

I'm very shy!

How are you

is not a question

I can casually

answer

 

Saturday, June 3 10:29 AM

Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants. -Michael Pollan

 

From Isamu Noguchi's biography:

He has been lured into the wilderness of artistic & spiritual experiment, where success is more richly rewarded, the chances of error are infinitely multiplied & technical ability becomes a very secondary aid. That is why today he is less... an accomplished artisan -- and so much more significant as an artist.

key word: EXPERIMENT

all great discoveries are rooted in the mystical

 

Saturday, May 29 10:12 AM

I got a community membership to the Noguchi Museum and now I go there every day for my free coffee.

Books I've read recently (primarily in the Noguchi Museum's cafe):

a biography of Agnes Martin, a biography of Martha Graham, Tao te Ching, several biographies about Isamu Noguchi

 

a token from Sister Triangle which I glued to the inside of my diary:

'If I were to be asked what we are, I should answer: "We are the door to everything that can be, we are the expectation that no material response can satisfy, no trick with words can deceive. We seek heights. Each one of us can ignore this search if he has a mind to, but mankind as a whole aspires to these heights; they are the only definition of his nature, his only justification and significance.'

 

leaves of grass (originally by walt whitman) condensed to a useful paragraph:

i will make the true poem of riches,

to earn for the body and the mind whatever adheres and

goes forward and is not dropt by death;

and i will show that there is no imperfection in the present,

and can be none in the future

and i will show that whatever happens to anybody it may

be turned to beautiful results,

and i will show that nothing can happen more beautiful 

than death,

and i will thread a thread through my poems that time and 

events are compact,

and that all things of the universe are perfect miracles,

each as profound as any.

 

Wednesday, May 24 11:49pm

call me: Miss Expanding Universe 

 

write a story, do, about a young man, the son of a serf, a former grocery boy, a choirsinger, a high school pupil and a university student, brought up to respect rank, to kiss the hands of priests, to truckle to the ideas of others-a young man who expressed thanks for every piece of bread, who was whipped many times, who went without galoshes to do his tutoring, who used his fists, tortured animals, was fond of dining with rich relatives, was a hypocrite in his dealing with God and men, needlessly, solely out of a realization of his own insignificance-write how this young man squeezes the slave out of himself, drop by drop, and how, on awaking one fine morning, he feels that the blood coursing through his veins is no longer that of a slave but that of a real human being. - anton chekhov in a letter to a young writer

 

Poetry leads to the same place as all forms of eroticism--

to the blending and fusion of separate objects. It leads us to

eternity, it leads us to death, and through death to continuity.

Poetry is eternity; the sun matched with the sea. -Rimbaud 

 

I learn. I learned, I learned, I learned, I learned, I learned, I learned, I learned, I learned, I learned. you blew it. I learned a lot. I learned something, i did learn. Did you? I learned today, and it made my day. I learned a lesson, I feel better, to learn. I learn, we learn together, and we begin to understand each other. Make no demand on me the way i make no demand on you. Let us just learn a little every day, try to. It is so difficult to learn. What keeps us from learning? Be in a learning spirit, do not be afraid to spend time learning. You have lots of time, i have lots of time, we have lots of time. If we just learn nothing will go wrong. Just be receptive, just be accepting, just be tolerant, just be self-loving, not self-indulgent, not selfish, but self-respecting, self-forgiving, self-forgiving, self-relating, self-undemanding, self-repeating, self-unafraid, self-trusting, and learning will be less difficult. Do not pass judgement, wait and see. Give it a chance, try again, so many chances, so much time, so much patience, give yourself a chance, as you give them a chance, endless chances, so much time, so much patience, give yourself a chance, as you give them a chance, endless chances, every day a new chance, tomorrow too a whole life time of chances, no reason to despair, no reason to be finding complaining, pushing, wanting, extracting from others or yourself... -Louis Bourgeois

 

Books I've read recently (5/14/17): Alice in Wonderland, Grimm's Fairytales, I'll Be Your Mirror (Andy Warhol Interviews), Signs & Symbols in Christian Art, Dinotopia, for colored girls who have considered suicide when the rainbow is enuf, Norse Myths

Books I want to read: A Beautiful Marsupial Afternoon: New (Soma)tics, Peter Pan

 

Yes, I'm a witch, I'm a bitch
I don't care what you say
My voice is real, my voice is truth
I don't fit in your ways
  -Yoko Ono

 

time to get yourself out of the dark ages

 

campaign to end cynicism


omigod i hate every poem i've ever written
and every painting i've ever made
but listen, man, i've got centuries to beat

don't make me act like an idiot
too proud to fail even once
too busy to care for life
too vain to see we're on the same team

i'll get knocked down every day
because i love starting over, and
i like to make art for no reason whatsoever

(after all, i have more in common with a piece
of playdough than an artist)

so fuck off to your porn,
ancient and new,
while i follow stupid all the way to the moon !

love is what it takes (to live)

 

the rules of the game

Sunday, April 30, 2017

Notes

  • all of my pimples are gone 
  • i am a genius
  • i am exactly equal to every other thing & being in the universe
  • i am uncomfortable
  • my heart is broken (broken open)
  • i feel like someone in love, but with whom?
  • there is absolutely no integrity in the art world
  • i have a free mind !
  • I WILL NOT BE ASHAMED !
  • simple things are always the most difficult
  • the trickiest thing to paint is a smile ;)

 

artist statement from four years ago:

I am a storyteller. I tell stories about being a Chinese-American girl whose classmates nicknamed her Ting Ting and whose mom killed her pet rabbit and ate it for dinner (this is a true story). I tell about the number of ways I have been reminded that my mom is from China and cannot pronounce the letter L. I tell about the stupid questions grownups have asked me, like: did your grandma eat monkey brains in her native country? I tell about my mom’s traumatic upbringing during the Chinese Cultural Revolution, the playdates with my aunt’s crack-head pedophile boyfriend, and my white father’s infatuation with the Far East, which led him to marry multiple tiny, "crazy" Asian ladies. I tell about the lonely, messy, vibrant upbringing of the displaced.

Art gives meaning to experience. It provides a reason for darkness: a breakthrough is waiting on the other side of a breakdown. Making art is learning to fall laterally; it offers solutions, connectivity, and a place for what might otherwise tear us apart.

 

Thursday, March 16, 2017

is there a man out there

who dreams my dream
and wants to dream it
by my side

who isn't a cynic
who doesn't negate his worlds
who will see me starting from who i am,
not the package i come in ?

who dares to let his words grow
past an arm's reach
who can see past the bullshit,
and set himself free

who can love like my grandpa loved my grandma
one-hundred-percent devoted to his work,
one-hundred-and-fifty-percent devoted to me

i really hope so,
cause islands move these days
and there isn't much time left
for a woman at the end of the world

in memory of my grandfather, who died fighting for us

 

assignment: treasure yourself by treating yourself like a newborn baby

  • find a picture of yourself as a child. 
  • recognize that this child still lives in you. do not abuse your inner child ! 
  • gently & thoroughly wash yourself -- get all the nooks and crannies ! 
  • moisturize with cocoa butter, feel soft
  • eat fresh fruits and vegetables 
  • watch your favorite cartoons or animated movies (sailor moon, mulan, etc.)
  • look at yourself & the world with curiosity and wonder instead of guilt and judgement 
  • don't beat yourself up about so-called "accomplishments." if you don't follow your heart, you'll end up giving the world plenty of things it doesn't need 
  • look at each person as if they could be a best friend 
  • let yourself be held by someone who loves you
  • reject fear imagination 

 

 

an ordinary girl is hard to find

i want to see you rise

i want to see you build your own empire

aren't you tired of being a victim,

when you could be a survivor ?

 

do you still think death is a tragedy 

when it happens every day,

every minute, every second ?

i left that thinking in california

 

the real tragedy is to waste,

cause you are everything to somebody

you don't even know 

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW !!! 

...sigh

 

let me tell you, these days,

i’ve seen more blood than you. so

check yourself

cause you could be the pig

one hundred years from now

 

hold on to the luck in your hand, 

even if you can’t see it yet

just. hold. on. 

loving yourself

is the highest form of art

 

 

today i identify as birthday princess

 

 

poetic action : pay attention to the things you fall in love with again and again and again 

 

today at my debut art show i will celebrating the advancement of men in the domestic arts by having my male friends bring me food and other handmade gifts, feel to free to join in any capacity ! very casual !

 

 

My debut is up for 3 more days! Open today 12 to 6. Happy Chinese New Year and happy birthday to me ! Celebrate yourself ! If u miss this show don't worry more coming soon

 

 

 

encourage each other to speak out more by listening enthusiastically.

 

 

you don't need to be a person of color to listen to a person of color

 

acknowledge your privilege

every single person has had an education, but not all experiences are validated. respect that. decolonize your mind by embracing all people as your teacher. pay attention. take notes. always ask more questions.

 

 

peace is also contagious

 

 

 

please be the weirdest version of yourself around me

 

are you in an abusive relationship with yourself

 

allow for chance i mean change to blossom, stick your whole face in it

 

my solo show is up for one more week if you can make it !

gallery hours are 3 to 6 every day except TODAY IT IS OPEN much much LATER! poetry reading at 7:00!

+ BUBBLES

+ free tea

+ art is pay-by-donation, mostly

+ free love letter if you are lucky

+ lucky is just another word for loved, maybe

+ i feel free when i dance with aerobic zest, what about you

+ BRING YOUR OWN BAD POETRY, feminine prose only

 

old people remind me of kids

 

kids remind me of life without big words

 

adults remind me of dead people
 

i am also always upside down

see you on opposite day

i only collaborate with artists under the age of thirteen

 

an eye without a pupil is just like any other opening

my memory is full of holes

 

there are monsters chasing us which is perfect because we love to play tag with monsters

 

some little girls are actually 100 percent alien

an alien is like an imperfect angel, or an angel with pimples

aliens speak with shapes and passionate dance moves

alien girls will brutally pounce on you with no warning whatsoever alien girls are especially dangerous because nobody understands their power, yet

do you ever shiver suddenly

are you getting struck by lightning underwater?

 

i just GROWLED in public

 

my intern said:

better be sexy and racy

than sexist and racist

Priyanka Voruganti

 

i am not afraid to overreact

i am not afraid to be rejected

(happens all the time)

 

democratic party = the new conservative elite

republican party = white supremacists

 

i'm not crazy i just represent the far left

 

who isn't crazy these days

 

public humiliation is exciting

 

it is easier to find love in the darkness

 

own your awkwardness

 

be inspired by yourself

 

do not shut up

do not care less

do not under-react
 

Free stickers tonight @chinatownsoup


 

ORGASM FOR BASIC HUMAN EQUALITY !

something we can all agree on, maybe

 

TIME ISN'T REAL

WHITENESS IS A LIE

& YOUR MONEY DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING

open today from 5pm until late

FREE HAND PAINTED STICKERS AND LOVE LETTERS

SPONTANEOUS HAPPENINGS and PRANKS!!!!!!

come play

 

mental health has physical results

 

actually i want to give you what you want

but you do not know what you want

 

i am my own manic pixie dream girl

 

i am reclaiming the phrase manic pixie dream girl

 

full of dreams

 

it is exciting to support each other

 

remember to live by the pictures of signs that you put on instagram and facebook

 

protest injustice every day

 

do not throw away your protest sign !

put it in a window or bring it to Chinatown Soup and i will display it publicly for you


 

you can experience the generosity of spirit you experienced at the march by showing your solidarity with marginalized people EVERY DAY


 

CRY IN PUBLIC

 

cry in public

 

CRY IN PUBLIC

 

declare yourself ungovernable

 

the opposite of a conservative clown is a liberal looney

 

protest every day


 

when did liberals get so conservative i mean really

 

orgasm for basic human equality !

red is the color of period blood

 

whales are the mothers of the sea

they willingly dissolve for their children

 

we are all red beneath the skins

 

polka dots = tiny explosions = orgasms

 

LIKE PUSSY ENTHUSIASTICALLY is the new suck my dick

 

i want to protest naked because that's how trump makes me feel

 

why is it still illegal to be naked

 

you cannot plan for change

 

the world is rapidly changing

 

you are so glad i didn't listen to you

 

cameras are bloodless eyes

 

does your relationship feel like you are nursing a dead baby

 

pay attention to the things you fall in love with again and again and again

 

i can fall in love with most things once

 

no need to feel awkward if you are baking bread

 

men must demand male birth control or it will never be approved

 

straight white men especially need to protest so that people who feel unsafe in public spaces can stay at home

 

 

have you lost faith in yourself

it's not who you talk to it's who you LISTEN to that counts

 

maybe we should declare inauguration day opposite day

 

instead of the guggenheim we should have a giant warm wet pulsing public vulva

 

a computer is just a bad copy of your brain

 

destroy the trump tower by declaring towers worthless & and valuing wooden and cloth structures


 

i live for the drama

 

it is my role as an artist to provide a decent protest sign
 

you make me feel warm

 

i trust you completely


 

the letter cannot lick itself

 

i am influenced by every single artist

 

Upgrade your life with a free love letter

 

only creative people can monetize my art

follow the breadcrumbs

 

are you lost in the woods

 

can other people document my work so i don't have to please

 

My version of cat calling is giving love letters to strangers

 

i am rapidly making art !

for you

i am staying up all night to write love letters

 

Free love letters tomorrow, upgrade your life


 

sometimes i love food more than people

 

maybe being myself is an original act

 

i only plan for things that will never happen

 

i don't plan i just do it

 

want to rapidly disseminate love letters with me Virginia McBride

 

you knowing enough about my experience so that i don't have to constantly explain myself

HOT


 

humility is hot !

 

it's not me

it's you

i can only be myself

 

i gave up trying to be perfect and it is everything i dream

 

i'm tired of putting you on a pedestal

 

you can hug anything not just torsos

 

i am very good at reading minds because i pay attention to the things people don't say


 

i know what it's like to be trapped in someone else's head

 

you like the sound of it but you don't know why, sounds familiar

 

Dora the Explorer

 

sometimes i worry i have lost my mind,

but i am just exploring

 

you don't have to drag people along with you, you just gotta show them the door

 

hugging feels unnatural to me, i prefer hand hugs

 

it's all in the breath

 

your mouth is an opening just like a vagina

 

my heart speaks to me

 

sometimes i feel compelled to read poetry to strangers

 

instead of cigarette breaks we could take pimple popping breaks

 

i always wanted dolls to have pimples that i can pop

 

put the flower in your face and breathe in it

 

an oil painting is not timeless, maximum 1,000 years

(pipilotti's joke)

 

we want to fall into each other

 

my instagram is my museum and the canon of me

 

i will cry into my megaphone in public so that you can cry with me

 

what makes you cry

 

do not forget about the luck in your hand

 

we get accustomed to what is going well in five seconds

 

what does anal retentive mean

pipilotti photographed a vulva like an expensive watch

 

instant art shows, as easy and satisfying as cup o noodles

 

my art is my standard of art

 

my popo is my standard of beauty

 

who gets to define beauty, fuck them

 

i have freed myself from the intellectual situation, no big deal

 

if you love the same love songs then you should probably be lovers

 

your dance is your understand of yourself on a molecular level,

Maybe

 

paradise is just a soft warm wet place

 

you don't need to change i just want you to acknowledge the difference

 

i can only be nothing around people i trust completely


 

if i speak to someone who sees me as equal then i don't have to be anything

 

if i speak to an asshole then i have to be a feminist

 

against all odds i now have enough money to pay my rent !

 

i am making a museum in my bedroom, send me pics of your special useless talent ;)

 

FYI

pipilotti rist changed pants directly in front of me

she doesn't wear underwear either

i saw her vulva before i saw her speak

i asked her what makes her cry

she cries when we do not understand each other

i gave her a crazed fan letter

she gave me a hug

Angel Castillo Peña

 

my intern Priyanka Voruganti is a blessing

 

i love it when other people make me salad

 

hello everybody

i am at the new museum

i am at the top of the waiting list for pipilotti rist's lecture

pray for me

i am a crazed fan


 

RAPID LOVE LETTER DISSEMINATION

4pm

central booking


 

the number of times he told me:

i only want what's best for you







 

I will be disseminating love letters during my "performance"


 

i am proud to be myself

 

this is just the beginning















 

Clues for the perfect orgasm

 

nothing like a smooth morning poop

 

i am the opposite of Richard Serra

 

lighter thoughts = thought feathers

 

i get excited by anything that is a combination of words and pictures

 

do you have a special but useless talent,

tell me

some people are better at cooking than having a conversation, which is why more boys should cook


 

let's share a meal together

 

i used to look into the mirror all the time, to check if i was still beautiful

 

they give us all kinds of pills, they make up problems we didn't know we had, and they call the matrix science fiction


 

I JUST MIGHT BE CRAZY! what a relief

 

i am happiest on opposite day

 

i am too honest

i give myself away

 

everything that isn't love makes us sick

 

advertising = propaganda

art = medicine

 

what is a casual art experience

 

some people can travel by bubble

 

what's the point of life if you aren't really living

alone, not lonely

 

maybe facebook could be the last white wal

 

are you tired of typical art world bullshit

 

unconditional love is won with heartfelt apologies, not perfection

 

why does immigrant still feel like a dirty word in this country

 

it's an artist's job to make people want what's good for them, maybe

 

i want a protector

or helper

but i am the only one

 

come to my "performance"

always fun to watch public humiliation

 

you give birth to pearls that nobody can see, maybe they are bubbles

 

your eyes have agency, you know

 

humans turn into ants when viewed from an aeroplane

 

we dissolve when you suck on us

we fall through space into faces

our brooms are anti-gravity


 

uncertainty excites me

 

i had to ask to ask you to use a condom

and i felt unattractive/ guilty for asking

and you complained that it didn't feel good

and i apologized for wanting something different from you

acknowledge me (please)

today instead of opening the woman cave i am doing a "performance" at central booking (some gallery) at 4pm and then begging the new museum to let me into the pipilotti rist talk


 

Hayao Miyazaki predicted the future

young girls are saving the world

 

i'm just really happy that girls are reclaiming the word witch

 

every day i braid my hair into uneven pigtails




 

the viewer becomes the viewed

 

Open today until 6pm!


Chinese american proverbs

 

TIME ISN'T REAL

WHITENESS IS A LIE

& YOUR MONEY DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING

open today 3pm to 7pm at Chinatown Soup (16b orchard st)

also i am reading poetry at 8 ball community (38 orchard st) at 5pm

come play!!!!


 

you are a beautiful person

 

let's see what we have in common

it is time to decolonize the bedroom

 

i survived my nightmare, now i will live my dream

 

a simple yet effective way to get a man out of the way is to begin crying hysterically without explanation


 

has anybody ever told you that you are enough

 

 

are you expected to buy your family a home within five years

 

do any of your relatives work at McDonalds

 

have you ever felt disturbed by the privilege that one generation in america can bring


 

has your mother ever begged you to tell her that she did something right

 

have you ever clung to the words “bright future” like a lifeline


 

do you gain weight in your face first

 

 

 

 

forever love, love of my life

i celebrate myself

 

i come from very special people

matriarchy now

 

dance for america

 

my popo is a shining star




 

i love my popo


 

i could make you put your phone down

 

a diva is a female version of a hustler

 

Live music in my installation right now! Come play

 

instead of giving up, take a break to make some ginseng tea and call a friend

enthusiastic pussy licking is a defiant gesture against trump


 

there is literally a spinning disco chicken in the kitchen

 

 

congee is a simple, healthy, and cheap meal

just combine one cup of rice and 10 cups of chicken stock and some ginger and simmer for an hour and a half


 

on average i think about how much i love my mom every five minutes

 

TIME ISN'T REAL

WHITENESS IS A LIE

& YOUR MONEY DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING

open today 6 to 9pm

 

 

i am in full bloom

 

random boys are collecting my eat pussy enthusiastically stickers

YES

 

there are literally strangers massaging each other's backs in my installation right now

i have achieved something special


 

i can't stop reading poetry to strangers

 

i love you fiercely

but you are not everything to me

 

it’s all-you-can-eat crab night

 

you revel in your ability to remain untethered to me

 

what will you think of me

when you actually see me

 

maybe i am a woman at the end of the world, but i am not a woman who suffers in silence


 

my weakness will be held against me

 

i push you into the ground with enough force to make a grave without a shovel, that’s the kind of person i am


 

enough.

enough of this

 

there must be two parallel worlds:

(a) Sexual Playground and

(b) Everything Else

 

i have been thinking a lot about lily pads

 

i have no tools to resist the world

i have nothing to shield my nakedness

 

thank god i’m not a poet

so i don’t have to write real poems

 

why isn’t female sexuality considered intelligent

 

eat well, shit well, moisturize often

 

i cannot even assert my dominance over a peacock, not even after whacking it with the vacuum cleaner


 

my skin feels like an ancient orange peel

 

you only kiss me in dark

 

I didn’t plan too well

my soul remains below the surface of

what you see in me

 

my luck is brimming to be 23 and in

love with this city, my worst boyfriend

 

walking the fine line between friend and crazed fan

 

i am sloppy

i am weak

 

i am devoted to uncertainty

 

i can’t win it seems, not ever

i can only cave inwards, lose face, get uglier,

 

you can’t read minds

but i can read minds

 

maybe if I tinder enough I can undo you

but I am tired of looking at men holding big fish

 

maybe i’m in love with you

which is unfortunate

 

i will not alter myself to make you feel comfortable

 

i believe in the validity of what I cannot explain

 

i volunteer to be the fool

 

masturbating and crying and listening to podcasts

 

everything I feel seems irrational to you

 

i am oily, especially my nose

 

i am uncomfortable

 

tired/ dehydrated/ enormous/ buoyant/ bruised

 

let’s build a better world together

 

i am fully prepared to spend my birthday alone at spa castle

 

i painted the key to your problems on the walls of the laundromat

i am a scooped pumpkin for you

 

i make a wish every day at 11:11

 

I slip a sauce packet into your palm as we shake hands

 

I will gel your hair so it sounds crunchy when I play with it

 

If you let me, I will decorate your nipples with stickers of stop signs

 

I have exploded three microwaves

All three times I was reheating burritos, this is the definition of insanity


 

My body is deprived of certain essential chemicals

 

i really need nature right now

 

you can do a lot with a shower curtain

 

sometimes you just feel so alone




 

my dear friend and fellow artist Leo Hsu filmed me reading my poetry in the woman cave, now open through january 30th, tuesday through sunday, 6pm to 9pm at Chinatown Soup

 

if you still need to see Pipilotti Rist at the New Museum i have a membership i can get you in for free


 

i have made so many asian friends over the internet

 

maybe we need to create more perfect opportunities to kiss

sometimes is takes a few decades to realize what was there for you all along

 

see if you can look at the world inside out

 

the only thing to do is expand

 

every year i am able to receive more and more of my mother’s love

 

i do not believe in good or bad, i only believe in different

 

sometimes i can't stand to look at myself in the mirror, but then i remember that i have lots of other things to look at


 

before i let go of me, i had to lose control

 

please i need help documenting my installation, i will give you lots of original art in exchange for photo or video documentation

 

if you would like a space to have a dinner with friends (Dante Pilkington), or host a poetry reading, or if you just want to hang out, my installation is open at Chinatown Soup for the next two weeks 6pm to 10pm

TIME ISN'T REAL

WHITENESS IS A LIE

& YOUR MONEY DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING

 

do not be afraid to go to hell and back

 

i am a non-intellectual liberal, i do not believe in irony or cynicism

 

my goal is not to cry less or feel less sad, it is simply to laugh more

 

Hannah Madelyn Landesberg is missing, where are you

 

should i move back to california and marry Joanna Samuel

i need to learn how to drive

 

i do not feel like a fool for believing in something better than trump

 

maybe you feel weird,

i like weird

 

if you need somebody to talk to, you can always reach out to me

 

together we are already changing the world

Lydia Shanan

 

i am not afraid, i will not lose my power to a shriveled man, though it has happened before

 

trump feeds off of our despair, let’s focus on supporting each other

 

i love you unconditionally

i believe you completely

 

spells are just words we assign

power to

 

the moments when you feel you need strength, you feel weaker than ever, you cannot even get out of bed

 

the only thing to do is prove again and again that you will not be eliminated

 

fail faster to fall higher

 

my dream would be to exchange art back and forth forever

 

i have complete faith in myself

and you

 

facts are just somebody's definitive opinion for now, ask questions, you can learn things from anybody


 

what do you collect

 

longing for a nice attic to play in

 

if you run out of toothpaste, baking soda also works

just mix with a little water

 

i will not compromise simply to compromise

 

sanity is not necessary when trump is about to represent our country, let it go

 

friends, come to my casual art show happening now

 

my mother is the love of my life

my popo is my standard of beauty

 

i am in full art mode

 

feel free to come to my opening

Shoes off, pimples out

 

I care about everything except what people think of me, maybe

 

Thank god for my facebook friends

 

Some days it feels impossible to be myself

 

I love a sudden thunderstorm

 

There are so many ways to feel naked

 

Whatever gets the job done

 

Yesterday i cried and cried, today i have a bright smile, no big deal

 

My only goal is to be myself

 

I change my mind at least five times an hour

i will learn to love myself however i feel

 

i could sleep for days

 

are you craving something ugly and weird and uncomfortable

 

you are too pretty for me to feel pretty around you

 

i feel so ugly

i feel so awkward

is it possible for my grossness to be appealing to you


 

sometimes you feel like a pile of trash, but what would the rats do without you

 

if your face is bumpy then it resembles the moon

 

i need to be surrounded by soft things

 

i need to dance with aerobic technique

 

i am the only person who knows what i need

 

i may never have enough proof or evidence to justify myself to others

 

one by one i am letting the things that killed me go

 

feelings are uncontrollable

 

sometimes my tricks aren't fancy enough for you

 

i love all of your pimples equally Em Green

 

i am tired of having to explain myself

 

those who don't have pimples on the outside are infested with pimples on the inside

 

full of pimples





t cetera